The worst gift of love is a spreadsheet
Ah yes the bargain of love gainsayed,
If I do this you’ll do that,
and your love for me will flourish,
because I’ve made it so.
And so lovingly possessed,
I’ll expect you to replicate and reciprocate.
And if you don’t I’ll ask,
“What can you do to make our love better?”
And with you so remitted and submitted,
I’ll update our post infatuation spreadsheet,
Apply the golden point formula function of love,
And balance us up fifty-fifty you and me: (okay not me).
Because as they say love only survives,
and thrives when managed by exception.
Yet post update I won’t be able to sleep,
You’ll wake me mid calculation asking,
Why don’t you love me anyway?
You know : the same way I love you.
And so awakened this time,
I will zero that spreadsheet,
And start with my faults all mine.